My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just found puke in my bra..
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
