i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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