My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
he had hair everywhere except his balls
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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