I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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