The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Sorry my hands just texted you
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
