no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
