I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
