so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
