Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
