Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
