we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
