"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
