He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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