i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
