It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
