I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
