i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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