I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
