I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
