seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize