I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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