a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
