i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize