my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize