i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
