I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
