Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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