"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
