she looked like the before picture.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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he just fucked me for my cheese.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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