I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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