No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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