Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
