There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
