he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
