I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
