At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
