saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
