Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
