Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
