so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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