I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
