she looked like the before picture.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
