i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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