she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize