Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
