I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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