I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize