u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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