Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
