Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
what is it with giant penises always finding me
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
