Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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