im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
