when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
