just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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