It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
