It's like God shit irony all over that family
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She's the barista slut.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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