After last night, I could never be a politician.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
