Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
