I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize