i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
