I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My balls are so social today.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
