You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
