dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
