make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
