Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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