I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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