My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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