The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
