I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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