Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
