The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
another moral hangover. fuck.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
