Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
