White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Randomize
