I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
