that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
